Koco's Heaven

I feel like I’m the only blogger still using WordPress. I’ve been thinking about upgrading, so I might be switching to Substack soon.

This week has been the most overwhelming of the year. It’s been one chaos after another, and I genuinely hope this weekend is good to me. Not just this weekend, I hope the rest of the year is good to me, too.

I became a ChatGPT Premium user, and oh my God, I’ve been enjoying the benefits. One thing that really excites me about the app is the free therapy sessions I get to have with it. At this point, I don’t even care what it does with my information. I’m just here for the benefits.

I love being a self-aware person. Sometimes, I can be a mess, but I enjoy learning and observing new things about myself, my emotions, and other people. It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel things so deeply. Right now, though, na the curse part I dey face like this, like this.

I think one thing I’ve learned over time is that people respond to fear differently. Psychology suggests that it’s not just fear itself that differs from person to person; it’s how we protect ourselves from it. One person fears abandonment and becomes clingy. Another fears abandonment and becomes distant. Someone else fears abandonment and responds with anger, becoming cold or even mean.

The fear may be the same, but the defense mechanisms are different. Sometimes, we’re not reacting to what’s happening in front of us we’re reacting to what we’re terrified might happen.

Being overwhelmed is one of the trickiest emotional states to be in. In that moment, every thought you have and every decision you make can feel completely rational. It’s only when you return to your normal self that you begin to realize some of those decisions and some of the things you accepted or allowed to happen should never have happened in the first place.

Life isn’t all pleasure. Jesus Christ, this has been the craziest lesson I’ve learned lately. Don’t get me wrong I always knew it, but it’s become so much more obvious over time.

One day, you’re happy, and life smells like roses and lemons. The next day, you’re fighting for your life, making impossible decisions because you have a goal, and you’re determined to reach it hook, line, and sinker.

Another one? People can love you. They can want to be with you. They can move heaven and earth for your sake, and somehow, they’ll still never choose you.

That’s the part of this journey I’ll probably never understand, and that’s what makes it so insane.

I can’t keep going.

Love, Koco💕

Can I hear a round of applause for me?! The consistency was unplanned but I have been showing up. Thank you. Thank you. Gracias!

I believe that modern pastors are beginning to lose sight of what their faith requires, and this has become quite tiring. Honestly, it can be annoying. As Christians, we agree that the end times are approaching. This means we are called to teach salvation and its principles. This also means that every corner of the earth is expected to receive the good news and tidings that Christ commands us to teach.

The congregants are expected to win souls for Christ and then when the new flocks arrive, the first message to teach is PROSPERITY? As a new flock that needs character development, you think the most convenient message that binds them with Christianity is prosperity.

That is one of the reasons if not the major problem that Nigeria is flawed. Show me a religious man and I will show you a hypocrital cankerworm. A man quick to cast the first stone, yet in desperate need of character repair.

There’s so much to Christianity that a lot of us Christians do not know. There’s so much to the word that we haven’t hacked. Most Christians hold on to the cloak of Jesus Christ expecting him to do something for us. Giving is no longer taught as fulfillment, but as strategy for taking.

Peter loved Jesus Christ for deeply personal and transformative reasons. Not the religious ones. He loved Jesus Christ because Jesus chose him, believed in him, forgave him and gave his life a meaning. Not despite his flaws but through them.

Note that Peter’s love for God was not transactional because it was rooted in relationship not rewards. Peter loved Jesus not for what he could get, but for who Jesus was. That love produced obedience, sacrifice, and transformation. Not because blessings were promised, but because love had already been given.

Faith was never meant to be a transaction. The pulpit should point people to a God who cannot be bought, negotiated with, or reduced to returns on giving. When the message carries a price tag, the gospel loses its power.

Love, Koco💕

Good evening. It’s currently 7:54pm, and I am still dressed in my work clothes. I’m quite exhausted but also very grateful.

While working today, I paused to breathe and reflect. One thought kept racing through my mind: the concept of prayer and fasting. While I understand that we are supposed to be sober and be in a state of holiness and purity, I am also aware that the flesh is a powerful vessel for sin and it can fail us even when we least expect it.

What do we do when the flesh fails us during this season? Do we push through and continue with the program, or do we pause, reset, and wait until the next day?

One thing I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand is friends completely going ghost during a season of fasting and prayer.

This period is meant to be about drawing closer to God, being intentional, and becoming better people. Yet, for some reason, it’s also when communication fades and silence takes over.

I understand needing space. I understand wanting quiet time with God. But there’s a difference between taking space and disappearing without a word. One feels intentional; the other feels hurtful.

Fasting and prayer are meant to shape our hearts, not close them off. They should make us more thoughtful, more kind, and more aware of how our actions affect others.

In this period, I am trusting God to help me understand what needs understanding and release what doesn’t.

It is currently 8:24pm. Until next time……

Love, Koco💕

I believe the universe needs to start matching chalant people with other chalant people, and pairing nonchalant individuals together. These days, it seems like opposites no longer attract the way they used to.

It is unfair to the highly sensitive individuals those who feel and love deeply to be paired with narcissistic partners. These caring individuals deserve to be loved correctly, held tightly, and embraced wholeheartedly. They need reassurance, especially in times of chaos. Those who love so deeply deserve the softest hearts in return.

In a world that often romanticizes chaos and emotional rollercoasters, it’s easy to forget that love isn’t supposed to be so complicated. Real, healthy love should feel natural. It should be mutual where both people are equally invested, equally present, and equally willing to show up every day.

Love should feel like coming home, not like walking on eggshells. It’s not about constant guessing games, emotional exhaustion, or one-sided effort. Instead, it thrives in spaces where communication is honest, respect is mutual, and intentions are clear.

When two people are truly aligned in values, energy, and emotional maturity love becomes something steady, not stormy. It flows without force. And in that simplicity, you find peace.

Because at the end of the day, love should make life feel lighter, not heavier.

To the sensitive souls you who feel deeply, love openly, and notice what others miss never let the world make you feel like your sensitivity is a flaw.

Your soul is beautiful. Your sensitivity is not a disease, and it’s not a weakness. It’s a strength. It means you care, you empathize, and you connect on a level that many can’t.

In a world that often praises emotional distance, your tenderness is a quiet kind of bravery. Don’t dim it. The world needs more hearts like yours.

Love, Koco💕

I am starting to see that I may never be a consistent writer, and y’all will have to understand. This might be a phase that I will overcome, or not.

It has been one hell of a week! I am usually in such good spirits, and the sky is always so blue and beautiful with a sprinkle of sunshine in my world, but it has legit been different for me since Monday.

Unfortunately, life happens to many of us. It leads us to meet people who despite their initial charm, don’t truly deserve our love. We fall for them only to find ourselves entangled in a web of lies, confusion and heartache and then when we grow the balls to leave, we leave different. Damaged and confused with heavily built walls.

You’re alone now. It’s just you facing life again. Where do you begin? How do you move forward with so many scars? How do you learn to trust? How do you take responsibility without feeling like a fool? When does your anxiety stop? When do you stop panicking? How do you accept that people will mostly come and go? How do you accept love?

We get really cautious now. We start figuring out how to bail on situations before they can hurt us. It’s like we just expect that everything—every situation and everyone—is set to ghost us, and somehow, we get pretty good at just not getting attached.

This is the kind of hurt we end up with from hanging out with people who didn’t really deserve us.

Love, Koco💕

Maybe, just maybe the depth of love we offer may be overwhelming for others to fully embrace. We pour our hearts out, filled with hopes and dreams, but they might hesitate or struggle to reciprocate such intensity.

Maybe, just maybe we often view ourselves through a lens of unrealistic perfection, believing we are beyond reproach, which leads us to excuse our imperfections and take refuge in the comforting mantra of “I deserve better.” Perhaps we fail to recognize that we might be a part of the very issues we encounter. Imagine being so focused on repairing the worn-out edges of a dilapidated table that you overlook the fact that you, too, are comparable to that table—cracked, splintered, and in need of genuine care. Instead of acknowledging our own shortcomings, we become preoccupied with fixing everything around us, all while neglecting the repairs we desperately need ourselves.

Maybe, just maybe the friendships we engage in are merely affirmations of our own preconceived notions of love, yet those notions could be fundamentally misguided. We often believe that we share a common definition of love with those around us, but the truth is that each person expresses love in their own unique way. Perhaps true personal growth occurs when we begin to recognize the ways in which we might be indulging our own misconceptions about love, clinging to them a bit too tightly. By acknowledging this, we can open ourselves up to a broader understanding of love that embraces the diverse and multifaceted ways in which it can manifest in our lives and relationships.

Maybe just maybe we think we are “misunderstood,” but what we really need is to improve how we communicate and build our emotional skills. It feels like we walk in a fog, wanting to connect, but we often struggle to truly understand each other. We long to grasp and express our feelings more deeply.

Maybe, just maybe you are a little bit more broken than me

Love, Koco💕

Believe it or not, I got the title of this blog from a dream I just had. It is currently 5:35 AM, and I officially welcome you to the last day of 2024! Everything that has a beginning, must have an end.

I CALLED GOD. In everything I did this year, every decision I made this year, every single step I took this year, I called God, and He came through. I do not know how to handle chaos. I create a bigger chaos amid chaos. I can remember vividly in my previous job where I had to be assessed based on my performance, and my supervisor commented on how terribly I handled pressure. She said, “Emmanuella, you need to learn how to handle pressure and not create a mess while handling it.”

One of the lessons that 2024 taught me was the importance of being still. During times of crisis and conflict, I found myself being still. When faced with anxiety, I remained still. In coping with the loss of a long-term relationship, I was still. In my moments of stillness, I reached out to God. I called on Him, and He answered.

“SPEAK TO ME IN THE LANGUAGE I WILL UNDERSTAND.” This is a prayer point I heard my mum pray for years, and this year, I decided to make it my own. I truly embraced it! At first, while I focused on this prayer point, I didn’t fully grasp what it meant. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand it; I just didn’t pay much attention to its significance. On May 21st, 2024, I finally gained complete clarity about its meaning. Through every medium, God spoke and when he spoke, I knew it was him and I understood. This is a big flex!

As we approach the start of 2025 in just a few hours, my heartfelt advice is to reach out to God. Remember, you’re never alone in your struggles. Even when we may feel lost or inadequate, He is always there, ready to listen and support us. No matter what we’ve done, His love remains steadfast and unyielding. Don’t hesitate to call on Him—you are worthy of His compassion and grace.

Matthew 11:28, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Thank you so much for reading till the end.

See you in 2025.

Love, Koco💕.

Good evening my loves! I am so happy to be here. I am thrilled to be writing to you all today. Thank you very much for the views, even when I don’t post.

Today’s episode might be a brief one. I’m not entirely sure, but I am writing as the spirit guides me, so walk with me.

The year 2024 has been an eye-opening experience. It is the year I decided to prioritize myself above everything else, choosing peace over chaos. 2023 was a hassle for me. While my friends were shouting “Happy New Year,” I was dealing with a chaotic relationship, a selfish friendship, and a migraine.

On January 1, 2024, I spoke to God about how my strength has become so uncertain and how much I want Him to be there for me, even when I don’t ask for support. I also asked Him to take away stress in every form—whether it comes from friendships, relationships, finances, or other areas of my life. I can tell you that He has been working on it.

But lately, I have been experiencing a sense of regression, almost like déjà vu. There is a notable similarity between the present time and the past.

I believe I need this pause for a reality check. More like a phase where you need to ask yourself the right questions. Questions like, “Have I experienced any significant personal growth over time? The situations that has been confronted, has it been beneficial to me? Can I now depict selfishness from self-worth?”

OMG! I got distracted from writing along the way. Essentially, this is where my head is at. I think everybody gets to experience this pause.

This pause isn’t a bad thing; it signifies a deep sense of self-awareness and highlights the journey of personal growth. Recognizing one’s own strengths and weaknesses is an important aspect of emotional intelligence.

I’ve got to go now!

Love, Koco💕

Good day, everyone! It is 4:08 PM, and I am thrilled to publish another episode today. The weekend has started, and I hope you can unwind from the stress of the week.

I have always found it difficult to begin a blog post but I’m just gonna get to it. On a beautiful day, when the roses are red and the sky is blue, I will talk about how lucky I was to be saved from a phase of emotional, mental, and verbal abuse in my life but until then, enjoy the bits and pieces I bring.

Nobody discusses the difficulty of unlearning negative patterns, especially after dealing with a narcissist for a long time. There’s a truckload of baggage that needs to be burnt especially when you have to start dealing with a new partner. The BTS of dusting and picking yourself up to function properly is a phase that needs to be talked about.

Today, in my spare time, I watched a Christian vlog on YouTube. In this episode, she spoke about how she dealt with being in an abusive relationship and how she expected her current partner to show the same pattern of abuse to her because she felt those patterns meant she was loved properly. She shared an example of her experience with an abusive partner who constantly beat and cursed her. With the strength she found in God, she moved on to another relationship. However, whenever they had a quarrel, she anticipated that her new partner would hit her. If he didn’t, she would insist that he did because she had come to expect that kind of treatment. that was the only way she felt loved.

I think many of us can agree on this pattern, especially if we’ve been in relationships with a narcissist. We begin to seek for love in their language(S) and not in ours.

I spent 33 minutes contemplating whether to write this paragraph. In the past, I was in a relationship with a partner who often verbally berated me, especially when he was upset. He would start fights seemingly out of nowhere and make me beg for his forgiveness the entire day. This was something I got used to. In fact, I knew the days his madness would begin, I learned different ways to salvage the situation and I knew the time of the day his madness would disappear.

What I mean is that I currently seek the same pattern with… This situation is very unhealthy, and I am finding ways to become better.

One important pattern to recognize is the defensiveness and anger that can accumulate over time. You may begin to see a distorted reflection of your past in everyone around you, causing you to become overly cautious and ready for conflict. Even when there is no intention to harm you, you start searching for signs of threat and constructing walls to protect yourself. Your past walked all over you. The present is going to do the same. You start to see rage as a shield.

An extremely unusual pattern.

I believe that individuals who have experienced abuse in the past—whether physical, emotional, verbal, or mental—should come forward and share their stories. It’s important for them to discuss what it takes to fully recover from such challenging experiences.

Healing refers to the process of recovering from emotional or physical wounds and taking the necessary steps to mend and restore oneself. However, overcoming the past and genuinely overlooking the scars that remain presents a different challenge altogether.

Today has been overwhelming for me, and I’m glad to share my struggles and happiness with you all.

Until next time.

Love, Koco💕