WHO DO WE WANT?

Today, I am going to make my post as conversational as I can. I have never been more inspired to write a blog post like this.

WHO DO WE WANT? As we mature and enter the stage of adulting, we begin to become conscious of what we want to be and who we want to be with. Undeniably, with each passing day, life becomes complex. No matter how tough and figure-headed you think you are, you must succumb to the fact that loneliness is a sickness.

So who do we want?

I read an interview online yesterday about a couple who have been married for over 27 years. It was a solo interview. The lady in the marriage was asked, If there was a next life, would she love to do this marriage thing again with her partner? Her answer was a solid NO. Why? She said that his aggressiveness and inability to apologize when he is wrong makes it difficult for her to communicate. She also said that in the whole 27 years of her marriage, she has felt like she has been kept in a chokehold without the option of expressing her emotions such as pain and anger. Of course, she mentioned that there have been good times but the bad times have become as clear as the sweet memories.

I ask again, WHO DO WE WANT?

Most of us if not everybody wants an uncomplicated partner. A partner that makes it easy in conflicting times. A self-aware partner who is also conscious of our feelings; “If my partner did this to me if I were in their shoes and I was being treated this way, would I be happy? How would I feel?” I could continue to go on and on about common desires.

First and foremost, Be good. Be someone else’s desire. I am not talking about physical appearances. I am talking about qualities. Have the authenticity you seek. Secondly, make your desires aware to your partner from the beginning. Tell him/her the kind of person you want to be with. While at it, recognize that there is not a single person that is built with perfection. We are all flawed. Thirdly, communicate. Embrace the fact that communication is the foundation for a solid relationship. Last but never least, stay true to who stays true to you.

“Life has taught me that you can’t control someone’s loyalty. No matter how good you are to them, doesn’t mean they will treat you the same. No matter how much they mean to you doesn’t mean they will value you the same.”

Love, Koco💕.

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I WANT TO BE 18 AGAIN.

Hey Lovelies, it’s been ages! I’ve missed sharing my thoughts with you guys. I am excited to be back on here. Well, not back on here fully but hey!, you’re reading my post for the first time in nine months.

There’s so much catching up to do but i’ll rather you stay tune till my next post. Expect details and more on my disappearance. As for today, you are going to read my rants. Permit me.

Before we get right into it, I need answers from y’all. Can we individually learn to be by ourselves? Do we actually need people? Is codependancy a must for survival? I have asked myself this question for the longest and I sincerely need answers.

While working out, I reflected on my relationships and friendships with people. I have pushed lots of people from my life not because they did anything wrong but because we no longer reason the same, our thoughts have become so diverse and we are no longer competent for our worlds, but is that a good enough reason to want to be by yourself? To let people go? I woke up this morning with so much animosity and hurt and I just needed to rant to someone who has known me for the longest, someone who knew the kind of person I was but there was nobody. I felt so alone for the first time in a while.

I think I am an alien. You ask me why? I always think I can walk alone in this life. I constantly like to think that I am an island and I have become my entertainment. Is that possible? In all of this, do you think what I feel is regret?

Well, I think adulting has a role to play in this. We become so sensitive to friendships and relationships that we need to reevaluate who we can look up to for emotional support. Being an adult is arduous.

God, today was the worse! I tried to project my frustration into productivity and that was how I ended up sleeping for an hour.

I wish every man was an island. No! I wish every man had the choice of standing alone and not alone. Do you get me? Like, I wish I had the choice of being on my own without having to look up to someone for emotional support or any kind of “SHIP”.

I miss being the life of the party. I miss going out to the clubs with friends and having a good time. I miss being funny. Now, I have to work and work and strategize and plan and work. I want to be 18 again.

Love, Koco💕.

It’s been such a long time on here. I didn’t want to write anything on here till the end of this year. Procrastination isn’t the reason for this decision.

How are you all doing? I guess I’m doing great. I hope I am.

It was difficult for me to fall asleep yesterday night because I slept through the afternoon after church so, I decided to read my emails. I bumped into this newsletter and since then, I have been meditating on it.

I am one of the many who scrolls through Instagram stalking people that I feel are perfectionists. I say to myself “Oh my, her natural hair is perfect, her skin is amazing, her life is aesthetically pleasing.” I even make comical comments like “I hope to be like her when I grow up.” I enjoy the amazing presets and hope my existence becomes an image of mere pictures. I just want perfection.

In the newsletter, she praises people’s love for her life and her organizational abilities, and she begins another paragraph with, “I do not have it all figured out.”

Our lack of proper knowledge of the people we admire may get us blind to their daily struggles. Yesterday, while surfing on Twitter, I saw the news of a successful young man who passed on due to attacks. While going through the comment section, people expressed shock and how death creeps in at anytime to snatch a soul.

I for one have been a potential image of perfection in the eyes of admirers but the truth is I struggle with life sometimes. 2020 and 2021, I struggled with an inferiority complex and sadness. The optimism in me died and the pessimism arose (thankful for family and my partner).

I like to say to people that they should allow their vulnerability. Showing strength when in-depth you feel weak and lost is only a facade and a sham. Feel your emotions. Cry when you have to, breathe when your chest becomes too tight and shout when you can’t feel your voice.

It is 11:43 and on the scale of 1-10, 3 describes how unproductive I have been since morning. I particularly do not have any advice to give but do with this blog post whatever you feel.

Love, Koco💕

YOU AND I(OUR BUBBLE)

Hello. November came with lots of emotions. Lots and lots of it. I’ve had the best two weeks of my life though but I am super ecstatic for December.

Today’s episode is quite simple to ingest and ponder upon. Obviously, it is relatable.

COMMITMENT.

I think the above word is slowly fading away and starting to go into extinct. Our generation no longer finds the above word pleasurable and dignifying. We all know that for a long term relationship to be sustainable, both partners have to make a pledge to be committed to each other.

Commitment means staying devoted to ones words or promises without any urge to break it. Commitment comes with a pledge to sticking with each other through thick or thin. Weathering the storm. You and your partner have made a bubble for yourselves and in other for that bubble to stay afloat, the both of you become the support system. That means, committing to keeping the bubble afloat.

HOW DO WE COMMIT TO A RELATIONSHIP?

Easy Pizzy! Stay loyal and respectful. Just stay loyal and respectful. There is a lot of dignity that comes with being loyal and respectful to your partner. Cheating broods disrespect and disloyalty. Not a single sane person would want to hurt the ones they claim they love. I think this needs to be on full blast. Cheating is “injurable” to mental health!

Be honest about your past and truthful about your vision of your future. Share your feelings, share your thoughts, and share your very presence with your mate. Do everything in your power to not let lies or half-truths destroy the trust and commitment between you.

Only when you feel respect and appreciation for your partner can you genuinely express it. Kind communication, praise and commendation will help you convey your gratitude for your mate. Being supportive of their feelings and encouraging them will help them feel like they can always turn to you for advice and comfort. Take time to truly listen to your partner. Don’t shy away from sharing your own emotions as well. Be gentle, use gracious words, and really try to understand your partner on a deeper level. Expressing your personal interest in them will show the depth of your commitment.

Remaining sensible and supportive is the best way to express commitment during hard times. If you truly love your partner, these points should pretty much feel like logical and natural steps. The choice is yours to take them.

Love, Koco💕

ADAPTING: EPISODE 2

“Drop your box here and open it for a search.” After so much confusion to where the keys to my box was, I finally found it and and opened the box for a search. The security officer didn’t have mercy on it though. She searched my things thoroughly. Everything, every single thing I packed strewed on the floor. God! This was my life! This was my life for the next three weeks. I am now going to associate with the Typical Nigerian Individual! The money thirsty ones, the ones that occupy “mere positions” but by all means must exercise their powers; wether you’re comfortable with it or not. A tear dropped. Lord knows I just couldn’t.

Dragging my bag through the lane with utter strut while crying deep down in my heart I knew I had set myself up for frustration. So I thought again. “Hello, welcome to NYSC ORIENTATION CAMP, NONAWA-GBAM TAI. FOR THE FIRST PART OF YOUR REGISTRATION, YOU ARE GOING TO GO OVER TO THE PAVILION AND DO THE COVID-19 TEST”……The official pointed over to the pavilion.

I took the test. I took the “dreaded” test everybody was fussing up and down about. People always want to drag attention to themselves using the barest minimum that can originally be overlooked. Trust humans not to show hesitation when it comes to “drama”.

My medical fitness check was next. God! Dragging my box and other items through the field to the pavilion was a whole lot of stress. I just wanted to get this done and over with. I sat in the bus for almost four hours, my box and i had a minor accident on the express. It was only right that I get rest.

While sitting and waiting patiently to get my test over and done with, I sighted this girl. Outspoken and beautiful. By all means I was going to speak to her. I wanted to speak to her but then again, introverts will be introverts. Done with my COVID test, I was ready to move on to the next stage. I didn’t want the rest of my day to be conflicted. I wanted to do registrations and get settled almost immediately so I walked down to the medical center which was just opposite the pavilion. After waiting for minutes which seemed like hours, I was done with it. The next process was to get a bed space which was done almost immediately.

Now this was where total confusion set in. How do I drag my bed and box at the same time? Infact! How do I go to the pavilion and drag my box and then go to the place I am supposed to get my bed? Sick! Sick! Sick!

“Are you going to get your bed?” Remember the girl I admired? Yea. She spoke to me. Elated but no sign of it physically. “Yes I am. Are you going there too.”……I asked and she nodded in confirmation. “Don’t you want me to wait for you?”……she looked so nice and seemed so nice even with the stress of everything. “Aaaahhhhhhh, please wait for me ooo, let me go and get my box over there”……and then I raced immediately to the pavilion.

Stay Tuned for the next episode.

Love, Koco💕

CHANGE: EPISODE 1

I am not such a big fan of change. I am quite on the sentimental side. Infact, I attach sentiments to little things and forget about the bigger picture automatically being reluctant to change when it comes; but now, I am super grateful for change. Although I might show a bit of haste when life situation switches up, but one thing I am sure of is my gratitude to God.

Recently, I took a huge step. It might necessarily not be a huge step to some of y’all but it is to me because of my introverted nature. I finally answered the clarion call to serve Nigeria and this has been a worthy experience.

Anxiety has dealt with me though and this isn’t even a joke. Seeing my call up letter only to burst into tears for the fear of unknown was one of the most confusing time in a long time. Detachment for me isn’t an easy thing. Not necessarily detachment though but changing space and not getting to see certain people for a long time is pretty tasking mentally and I think that was one of the reasons for my outburst.

I left Warri for Rivers around 10am on the 21st of October and that was the beginning of my nightmare. So I thought. All through the journey my mind was totally occupied with a lot. Still fear of the unknown. I begged God. I begged him to fill me with grace and peace because at that point, I needed it. I needed him. I am an introvert. Socialising is difficult. Speaking up is difficult. How was I expected to cope in a totally different space? How was I expected to get myself together with unfamiliarity?

I finally arrived Nonwa Gbam Tai in Rivers State. My uneasiness started. Getting to the gate of my camp wasn’t easy at all. Lord knows I contemplated my arrival. I could just travel somewhere else and lie to my parents about my location, I could just stay, do the registration and ask for an exit. All those feelings I contemplated but then again, Rukky needs to get used to change.

Stay Tuned for The Next Episode.

Love, Koco💕

Love, Koco.

It’s been such a long time guys. It’s 5:39am and I am wondering why I haven’t published in months. I have missed communicating and I hope you’ve missed it too.

5:48am and I am sitting and thinking how my day will be. I need some fun in my life. My days are bare with a sprinkle of weariness but somehow, i enjoy it. I enjoy being in my own quiet space with not so much loudness and conversations. I have even picked up the habit of conversing with myself. Be sure to have conversations with yourself. It sets you back to reality.

I love God. I really love God. My personal prayers are different from the usual. You know the thing they make you recite in primary school about prayer? “PRAYER MEANS TALKING TO GOD”, well that has stuck like a glue in my heart since forever. I love it. I love how I am not so conscious of the things I say to him when we speak. I love how unique my conversations with him are and I do not follow a particular pattern. I love it; except for the fact that I am a lazy Christian.

There is this yearning to be in his presence, to be consistent in my dealings with his word, to surpass the surface mode. I want all of this for myself and even more. Intimacy.

Some of us remember to go to his presence when we lack or when we search for material satisfactions. We always want to take and take from him. When we seek to make ourselves happy, it brings discontent. When we seem to make God happy, it brings excitement.

From a lazy Christian to another, let’s be intentional about our spirituality. Life happens and we hardly give God a second thought which is not intentional but let’s practice thinking about God more. Imagine conversing with God about each situation everyday: “God, I give you thanks”, “God thank you for your blessings” or “Lord, I need your help”.”

Let’s remember to use our daily worries as blessing as a trigger for talking to God. When you’re happy or worried, think about God and you will start to notice the laziness melting away. This is for me too.

Thank you for reading.

Love, Koco💕

Go Figure!

Hello there,

Good Morning. Today is the 29th of July, 2021. 7:20am and the serene is peaceful. There’s tranquility in the air. I didn’t wake up on the right side of my bed this morning. Infact, waking up this morning, I felt anger and every kind of negative emotions. It takes so much energy to feel these things and I honestly do not have that kind of devotion for negativity.

While making breakfast for my parents and sibling to eat, I felt this urge. The conviction to speak to God. I really wanted to speak to him and let him make certain decisions for me. Decisions I have made and unmade and discovered that at the end of the day, I need to speak to a higher authority because my mind is consistently problematic about it and at the end of the day, I will never get an outcome.

So I did. Although, I still feel light weight, I am a lot better than I was when I woke up. (Mark 11:24)

I just need us to realise that we cannot figure out everything on our own. When I say everything, I mean down to the littlest detail of ourselves. Prayer is a form of consultation. The only difference between professional consultation and prayer consultation is the the latter is completely free and it is a win-win situation. Imagine not paying for a service that has the key to every single solution. A1+!

God is it though! He has the key to every single door. There’s no special way to get through to him. We do not need to appease him with goats, cows and all the funny stuffs. All we need to do is just PRAY and TRUST HIM. That is all. That is everything.

I hope you have a beautiful day.

Love, Koco💞.

Hello there! Calvary Greetings.

Haha haha!!!, Don’t mind me. I am just really excited to be on this after such a long time. I mean, being on my blog again, writing.

How is your day going though? There’s a slight change in weather over here and i am almost exhausted from today’s activities. I want to sleep but I need to do this. Communicate.

I have been unproductive for a couple of months now. Unproductive and clueless at the same time. A bad combo. Monday mornings are always a wreck for me. For me, it’s difficult getting through a Monday morning without my thoughts looking like a hot mess. Infact, there’s something about Mondays that makes you rethink your whole life on a mind slide. This is a constant occurrence.

Like I said, I have been unproductive and clueless for a couple of months now. Clueless as to which career path I am supposed to take and what my life is supposed to look like at this time; but I think what I get clueless about the most is my career path. My dad in most of our conversations would always say that I should try as much as possible to not coerce myself about anything. “Do not pressure yourself to do or become anything. Pray and let God work.”

I pray and trust God to do his work but how is it possible that I lay relaxed, unbothered and expect manna to fall from heaven? I want to pressure myself. That switch is on constantly. There is a constant reminder that I haven’t gotten to where I want to be yet. I haven’t even prepared my ladder to reach the stars. Me perpetually being disturbed and discomfited with where I am today is my push for a promising future.

Two weeks ago, a conversation came up and I got reminded again of my mediocre attitude towards my career path. Whilst the conversation happened, I caught onto the fact that you can never be too late for the plans God has for you. All you just really need to do is ask, trust God and work. I came back home, had several conversations with my dad and set to work.

Although, I still do not have my career path completely figured out, I know what I want and who I want to be in the next five years. Currently, I am searching for online courses on script writing and studying it from google search engine and at the same time, speaking to people about media houses and where I fit in.

I wish you a fabulous time till I write again.

Love, Koco💕.

MY HEARTBREAK STORY

Sometimes I ask myself, what do people gain from inflicting emotional ceaseless pain on the ones they claim they love? Love isn’t supposed to be hard. Love isn’t supposed to bring distress or misery. When the heart wants what it wants, it is supposed to be protective.

Today’s article revolves around Mr Edward whose name has been changed for the sake of cynicism has been advised to remain anonymous.

It wasn’t an easy confession for Mr Edward but I am glad our conversation happened.

On my WhatsApp Status: I want to publish something for my blog. If you’re interested in telling me your heartbreak story, send me a dm.

Mr Edwards in my DM: I will tell you mine again.

He was vastly reluctant to share so I sent him a message again to remind him of his promise.

Mr Edwards: I don’t want to talk about it again because thinking about it makes me angry with her and angry with myself but I’ll tell you nevertheless because you are my friend and you need it for your blog.

Me: Thank you very much.

Mr Edwards: My ex and I broke up on the 20th of October, 2020. A day after my niece’s birthday. I do not think I’m ever going to forget that night. We were texting ourselves and she told me she had this urge to get drunk; I forcefully invited myself over because seeing her was becoming quite difficult besides the fact that she was seeing another guy. Finally, I was at her place and we found ourselves taking shots upon shots! Infact we had consumed the whole bottle and achieved her wish. To me, it felt like an opportunity to regain our relationship back from whatever had been making it fail. Although, before we hit “cloud 9”, a guy called her and told her he wanted to see her. Without pressure she went to meet him; leaving me in a state of confusion but quiet throughout the scenario. I had to sleep off. I woke up almost immediately to change the music coming from her phone because it was becoming quite uncomfortable so I used her fingerprint to open her phone and successfully changed the music. It didn’t end there. My curiosity didn’t let it end there. I opened her WhatsApp to go through her messages. I saw a message between her and the same guy that told her to come downstairs previously. I also saw that she had gone to see the guy in a hotel where they had a make out session. This same guy gave her Fifteen Thousand Naira which was incomparable to the amount I usually send to her. My emotions were all over the place. This girl lied to me on so many grounds! She had gone to the beach with him while I was in the clinic. She made out with a random guy whereas she told me she wanted to be celibate. She’s been sleeping on the same bed with this guy and she doesn’t even allow me touch her. I was in so much agony. I woke her up, stripped her naked and slapped her twice while demanding explanations from her. She explained to me while crying that she didn’t have sex with the guy because she was on her period and he sent her 15k to make her hair because she felt if she had asked me, I wouldn’t have given her. She was in so much tears and told me I could have sex with her if I wanted to but I didn’t because I wasn’t clearly going to involve myself in a rape case.

In the morning, I apologised severely. In the process of apologising, I shed tears. I had realised that I really hurt her and the incidence could leave an eternal mark on our lives; but the case was different with her. She felt she had an upper hand(which she did) because I hit her. She demanded that I buy her food and send Two Hundred Thousand Naira to her account if I didn’t want her to report the issue to her “new boyfriend”. I got her food, went home, called my mum on phone and cried to her about the incidence. I didn’t know wether to blame it on the alcohol or my bad decisions. My parents called her to beg her and told me to send her the money so she could take care of herself. I sent her Fifty Thousand Naira instead because I didn’t have enough on me at the time. She returned it and that was when I knew she had plans to take matters to another level. I was prepared. I was prepared for the consequences. I called my parents and told them to leave her with her decisions. That week, I was served with a court hearing by her cousin. I made inquiries with different lawyers on what to do and I got reasonable answers but my instincts told me not to do anything. If I am called to court, I would plead guilty and go to prison for a minimum of five years. I would face the consequences and the regret of why I had gone to her place that night.

I did nothing concerning the letter. I didn’t go home for Christmas or new year because I was broke and In a state of depression. I hated myself, my life and my bad decisions. I hated the fact that I had lost the friendship with her sister. I had a lot of inner digging to do, so I dug. I always stalk her on IG. I do not know what I feel for her anymore or what she thinks of me.

When people go through heartbreak, and they say they won’t fall in love anymore, they are probably in fear of what their partner will do to them. My case is different. I am afraid of what I’ll do to my partner when I fall in love. So I have made up my mind to never be attached because when she switches up on me like my ex did, I wouldn’t be stuck wondering and asking questions on what I did wrong.

Love, Koco💕