GOD HEALS

As usual, I struggle to make an introduction. I missed this place. I missed doing this. I hope to keep up though.

God still exists. He is real. If you doubt him, I hope this post helps to relinquish your hunger and thirst for his existence. I was awfully uncertain about sharing my journey to healing with hundreds of people (soon to be millions) but I was super roused by a lady from twitter who our struggles were a bit alike.

December 5th 2020, my struggles started. My body and it’s operation began to change. I started to feel weak in and out but physically, I had to put up a disguise that I was fine. People would see me and compliment me. Some would even say “Look how fleshy your face and body is. You’re glowing”. Yes I was glowing, but the part about being fleshy wasn’t what I enjoyed. I remember posting a video and someone commented on how bloated my tummy was but it’s me. I never fail to wave off negativity without comic relief.

As time went by and my body started to experience changes, my flow came after waiting two months and three days! The first day up until the third day was normal; the fourth day, I felt heavy. My tummy felt heavy. It wasn’t just the feels. It was also that the bloating became twice as bad as it was. I would eat and it would feel like I had just eaten three square meals in one sitting. I was scared but I had to mask my fear.

After the 5th day, my flow stopped. This is normal; in the morning, I felt the rush of blood. I got up from my bed almost immediately and wore my pad. This time, I had to double up. I was bleeding. This isn’t normal. I didn’t want to confide in anybody. I wanted to give my body time with the hopes that it would go the same way it came but it didn’t. I kept on bleeding and doubling up my pad till January 1st 2021. I couldn’t believe it! I was bleeding for almost a month. It was seemingly impossible but it was happening. While in church during the crossover, I went outside and cried for a bit. I was so scared. I started connecting my situation with the woman with the issue of blood in the bible.

Nope! I wasn’t going to let this happen to me. I wiped my tears and went back inside church. I told myself that after the New Year celebrations, I would tell my mum and sister about it. On the 3rd of January 2021, I told my mum and fortunately, my sister was there. She told me I could have “Uterine Fibrosis” but I should go to the clinic for checkup. Trust my mum to give her own “African Reaction”. After the “round table” discussion, I remember driving out with my brother to get fuel. We got to the filling station and it was time for me to come down and get airtime while my brother filled up the car tank with fuel. Immediately I got down, I checked myself if I was stained because it became a norm for me. I was unfortunately. The whole of my gown at the back was soaked with blood; even the car sit. My brother on noticing just told me to not worry about the airtime that he would do a transfer for me.

Naaaaah! This wasn’t going to be my story. I definitely wasn’t going to allow myself live like this. The next day, I woke up as early as 6, did what I had to do and set out for the hospital. I got to CAPITOL HILLS and did the necessary payments for a consultation with the doctor. While sitting and waiting for my appointment, I was on constant look out for stains. Finally, I got to see the doctor! I remember asking him if I should be worried about my situation and he said YES! Bleeding for a month wasn’t normal. After checking my blood level and other things, he asked me to go for a pelvic scan and make sure I see the gynaecologist. After hours of waiting, I did my scan and went to see the gynaecologist with my result!

“YOU HAVE A GROWTH OF FIBROID OUTSIDE YOUR UTERUS! IT IS JUST 3.5CM” I couldn’t believe it! This wasn’t my story! This isn’t how my story is supposed to be written. I told him to please repeat the result and then he laughed and did. I was fidgeting! He recommended some drugs and I had to go to the hospital pharmacy to collect them. I remember my mum’s reaction when I told her the result. “God Forbid it Rukky!! Tell the doctor make e clean e mouth! Rukky nor be your portion”

I smiled. Lightly. But that was my situation. I had fibroid and it was growing in me! That was the reason for the bloating, the weight and the prolonged bleeding. I took my drugs from the pharmacy and started heading home! I had to take BOLT back home because I was super soaked with blood on my trousers and I wanted to just get home comfortably.

That week was hell for me. The drugs came with nasty side effects! Dizziness, Headache, Pains, Huge Blood Clot Depression, e.t.c. The annoying part of everything was that the drugs given to me wasn’t meant to stop the flow. It was meant to reduce it! I cried though! I cried my eyes out! My family and partner was super supportive of me but I was going through it!

My Dad! God bless him for me. He came to my room one day and asked that he sees me. He then told me about a herbal drugs that he came across online. He told me that I should make my research on it and get back to him with my thoughts. I did. I had given up though but I did my research and got back to him about it. The price was humongous! That was just my concern and he said “You’re my Child. What concerns you, concerns me. What affects you, affects me. I’ll do anything for my children. I will get the drugs for you but you have to put your faith to test”.

Then I did. I ordered for the drugs and started taking it with prayers and my mustard seed faith. I left home and continued with my prescriptions.

GOD DID IT! My prayers and mustard seed faith had worked!! It stopped! The bleeding stopped! I continued my prescriptions. A month after, I began to flow again which was completely normal. On Sunday of that month, as early as 5, I woke up with tummy upset and the urge to go to the toilet. I sat in the toilet.My fears came back again. I cried for a bit. In the midst of it all, I heard a drop! It wasn’t poo but a huge chunk of blood clot!

Guess What? The Fibroid had shrinked and come out!!!!!!!! God did it! God really did it! I got my healing! The journey wasn’t easy but I got my healing!

God is real! God works! God heals!

This post is to appreciate him and also advice everyone out there that has a problem. Talk to him! He listens! He hears! and while doing this, WORK! Faith without works is Dead! Pray and Work for your miracle!

Love, Koco💞

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Why isn’t love a fairytale?

Lori Harvey and Micheal Jordan. Video Credit: @lilsexythug

“God When!”

I can literally hear some of y’all screaming the very familiar words above. Some of you even start to question the affection you and yours share. Oh well! Let’s get right into it.

We grow up into the world with lots of fairytale stories and movies. We learn of Prince Charming whisking Fiona our of the castle so they could be together forever or the Beast capturing beauty for a length of days only for the both of them to fall in love, get married and live “Happily Ever After”. We are so engrossed in this fallacy that we forget to ask the important questions.

What happens after Marriage? We never get to ask what happens after the kiss. Our minds have created an illusion of what love looks like. It makes us see love as something that happens effortlessly without even having to fight.

Then we grow into our youth with the hope of our Prince Charming coming to save us when we put out a distress call. We hope to wake up and see Boquet of Roses and chocolates with a short romantic note. While at our day jobs, we imagine that we walk into our homes with scented candles and petals of roses laying beautifully on the floor. Our imaginations begin to run wild and carelessly.

Finally, we meet “the one”. All of those expectations and “illusions” that has been imbedded into our minds become dead dreams. We now see that we are neither sleeping beauty or Cinderella. We are clearly lost and begin to experience failure(s).

Sad story but truth is as long as we follow the fairytale story, we will never have a happy ending. As long as we see our past relationships as failure, we are the villains of our own story.

“Learn that you like when they fight for what they want; or they open the cab door for you; when they text even though they had a long day; or they laugh, but do not mock your dramatics and they call their younger siblings on the weekends. Learn what you can live with or without. Learn the boundaries of your heart and of your body. Learn about living with a person. Learn about sex. Learn about fighting. Learn about giving too much or too little. Learn about loving. But, most of all, take note of the things that made a relationship end and not be “The End”. Because, as much as we love the “true love” part of fairytales, the relationships that we want have to have more than love to have a happily-ever-after.”

Just Breathe!

Most of the times, we wish that life is a cake. Life could be a cake sometimes but we wish that it stays a cake forever. We wish that our days stay sweet and pretty. We wish that success could be easily reached without having to climb the ladder. We even wish that our thoughts stay clean and happy; same thing with our affairs. Sometimes, when I am deep in thinking and I run past through happy memories; I ask myself why happy times can’t last forever.

Without even looking or asking, everybody has it on their new year resolutions to stay happy through the year. I have it on my New Year Resolution to stay happy through the year. In fact, one of the things I wish for myself this year is to get anything I wish for as long as it makes me happy. I have placed my happiness on “External Forces”

What does it mean to place your happiness on External Forces? “If I get this girl I’ll be happy, when I get this particular pair of Nike Shoes I’ll be happy, when I go out more often I’ll be happy.” Prioritising our happiness on aesthetics. Even when we get the above mentioned and other things included, we still aren’t satisfied. We yearn for more.

……Alex, this transcendental external bliss you’re looking for is not realistic.”

As we yearn for happiness and perfection through the beautiful things, let’s not forget that our mind exists. We can never ever run away from our thoughts. The mind has two voices. I like to call them “the optimistic and the defeatist.” Just like “Good and Evil”

The mind is trouble. I am tempted to call it “Pure Cruise.” While our minds serves us with illusions of physical aesthetics that we think can comfort us, that same mind still speaks to us that we can actually do better than what we’ve already done thereby putting us in a state of confusion, worry, dissatisfaction e.t.c.

“….even if nothing is wrong, it is simply the nature of our mind to give us trouble”

So, how do we manage to stay sane when life serves us lemons.

Squeeze dem’ lemonades!. Stir your ship in the direction you want. Things don’t always have to go in a certain direction. You can stir your wheels and make them go in any direction you want. Try to find peace in everything you do. Peace is the only natural existent emotion. Feel every thing as it comes. Don’t run away from it. If you feel the need to break down and cry, go on! Do it! “Soft people have the strongest heart, Tough people have the weakest heart.”

Finally, Be contented!

Love,Koco💕

FEAR

Happy New Year!

It’s my first blog post this year and my first blog post in 3months. I guess!

To those of you who find my posts relatable and had to deal with my inconsistency, I am sorry. I have been having the “Writers Block.” It has become extremely difficult to write anything for me but I hope to deal with the laziness.

Going into today’s topic, I just realised how much I have missed writing, sharing my thoughts and experiences and being creative. It’s been such a long time.

Fear!

That’s the topic. FEAR!

I think we all know what fear is but I’ll define it for you so as to make sure we are on the same page. I love my MERRIAM WEBSTER DICTIONARY so I’ll use it.

FEAR

: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger

Fear is a strong, natural and human emotion. Fear is originated from “imagined dangers”or physical threats. Please take note of the quoted syllables. There are symptoms of this emotion. Some of which are, PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks as well as others.

Now, Let us slide a bit to the part of intimacy.

We all have our fears in our various relationships. As much as some of us prove to be tough and rigid expressing ourselves and emotions, everybody has their fears.

While some of us have the Fear of Commitment, some of us deal with the fear of loneliness and being cheated on.While there is that, some of us struggle with the fear of not being good enough.

How do we handle this Fetid Emotion?

Forgive your past and the people that hurt you. Personally for me, this is a struggle. Letting Go. I have struggled in the past and present to forgive the hurts but along the way it is needed. “You only make it easier for your fears to become a reality when you don’t stop fretting about unforeseen dangers.” Recognize that your current experience, along with the thoughts and feelings that it triggers, is transporting you back to a past experience that has you viewing the present through a distorted lens. You will likely experience intolerable emotions that you want to get rid of quickly. The key is to learn to tolerate these emotions by being mindful of them and your current situation. Do not avoid the emotion because the more you avoid it, the more the emotion builds! Do not react immediately. Allow the emotions to pass till you’re calm.

And finally, Be more Aware that the situation has nothing to do with your past and there are better ways you can respond to it rather than do it in a way that is harmful to you or your relationship.

1. How do you deal with fear?

2. How do you react when you become afraid?

3. What is your biggest fear?

Please comment on the section down below but if that seems to revealing, you can send a DM or an Email.

Love, Koco💕

The Power of Happiness

Not a good excuse anymore but procrastination didn’t keep me away from this place. A huge obstacle did but thanks to my creator, everything has been put in check.

I honestly hope you guys are still available for me as I continue to share my thoughts and experiences with moral lessons to the side.

Thank you for sticking with me as always.

As usual, there is always a struggle at the beginning to come up with good write up contents but we move regardless.

I love Merriam-Webster’s definition of “Happiness”. It says, happiness is a state of well-being and contentment : JOY.

The goal for everybody on earth is to be happy. To be at peace with yourself. Note that the peace at the terminal sentence is powerful. Happiness is puissant.

“Your happiness impacts your sleep, your relationships, your health and your work”

Most individuals misconstrue happiness for success. In fact there’s no thing line to these two. They are basically distinctive. Happiness begets success. Success doesn’t entail happiness.

Allowing yourself to be truly happy involves being content with yourself and your “mind’s community”. Trusting your opinions without having to doubt the very least of it. When you make choices based on your beliefs as opposed to other people’s choices and expectations, there is a feeling of satisfaction and emancipation.

“Happy people understand the importance of taking time for themselves. Self love is not selfish. Plan something every day for you, that you look forward to. It can be as simple as coffee or tea with a friend, reading a good book, or just time to relax and unwind.”

When you’re happy, it becomes contagious thereby wanting yourself to be involved with other happy people and staying away from negative energy. Sentiments and entities that adds spark to your life is what you yearn for and that is totally okay.

Possibilities happens when you’re happy. Wake up and be grateful. Live each day with a purpose for appreciation do the big things and the little things you have and you’re yet to have. There’s always a glow to it. Trust yourself and make choices good for your soul.

Happy people don’t have the best of everything, they make the best of what they have.”

Love, Koco💞

As Random as my Thoughts.

Adding titles to some of my blog posts can be a bit excruciating at some point. Usually, I begin writing a blog post without actually knowing the plot of the post or what it is going to talk about.

Just like this one.

I like to think that I matured too early because I was surrounded with grownups that were super expressive with themselves. Most of the times, while my mates were playing with themselves, dancing in the rain and building sand castles, I was on my own basically reading books grownups read and accessing every little thing that comes my way. I was the child that enjoyed silence and earth’s entity. Sensitivity became a norm for me. Primary and Secondary was quite intense for me. I belonged to the class of people that wanted to fit in by all means possible. I didn’t care how it happened or the kind of ridiculous comments I got from my “Friends” and “classmates”, I just knew that the motive for me was to fit in and be called pretty. My crave for that lifestyle got me into trouble a couple of times from my parents; but the crave didn’t stop. I just wanted to “fit in”. I knew I was pretty but I wanted to hear it. I needed to hear from a lot of people including the “classy” kids

Learning to accept myself was out of the context for me. I wanted to cultivate a culture that didn’t speak for me or my mental state. I lived in another form that didn’t totally go well with me and made my mind the host of insecurities. I just wanted to matter.

I believe people always get it wrong when they start certain conversations with “Love yourself”. The conversation should always begin with “Accept yourself”. The ability to conform to your body, your mind, who you are, what you want, your evolution process e.t.c. The ability to come to terms with the fact that you will always be the kind of person you are and that imperfections and mistakes are who you are. That is acceptance. So, in order for you to love yourself, you must accept yourself.

300 level was a struggle for me. I think at that stage, I began to struggle with anxiety. Although, at that time I couldn’t find the word for how I felt or what I was dealing with. My friends were gone and I was by myself. Although, I was with “someone” but I felt so alone. My misery needed company. I lost focus on everything even myself. I ran away from my misery instead of holding on to the situation and dealing with it.

Never run away from a messy situation. It only makes matters worse and leaves you in a messy state. Take the bull by the horn and fight it. Our sanity is what matters. We matter to ourselves before anything and anybody. So in order for us to travail a phase, we need to first deal with it. Often times, in our darkest moments, when we sit, we begin to think to ourselves, “why did I let this happen to me again?”. Well, we obviously ignored the situation. There were ideas that felt like “solutions” to us; so, we welcome those ideas and use them instead of being calculative and logical. Deal with your problems first-hand. Stop turning lemons into lemonades. Instead, grab the lemons and squash them till there’s nothing left.

We want to love and be loved. We want to be expressive. We want that as we speak, our words won’t be judged, we want relationships with truth and not to be swallowed in lies. We want conversations without the high tones and “heavy” words. We want for our minds and beings to be comfortable without insecurities. We just want happiness.

Las Las, Life na Jeje.

This blog post was inspired by my experiences. In as much as this article was a bit of a struggle for me, I hope you pick the morals and apply it to your daily living.

Love, Koco💕

Healing is a Process.

Hi!

I decided to share a short picture thread from one of my favorite pages on twitter. Read and enjoy.

Disclaimer: This post is to show/teach you on how to care for people living with Anxiety. Please do not try to associate it with my personal life. Thank you.

Love, Koco💕

Procrastination didn’t make me stay away from here for long. Indecisiveness did. I had list of topics in my head to blog about but my mind was conflicted in which to choose. Even right now, I have got two topics playing baseball in my head but as Nigerians would say “any which way”, I must pick a side.

The goal today is to be really interactive with my choice of words as some of you have complained that I tend to use “chunky grammar”. In other words, “I go try use simple English today”.

Hmm…Touché

Love is sweet. Being with the person that totally gets you and your every side is beautiful. Not just being with a person but being with the “right” person; but do we ever know who the “right” person is?

Of course we do! That’s why we have instincts. Trust me, our instincts never ever lie. It’s more like our guardian angel whispering to our guts or minds but most of us become too blinded by the intoxicating feeling and then we disregard our gut feelings. Okay. So apart from our instincts detecting the good from the bad, or right from wrong, there are other ways to perceive mischief or Love.

I just might be diverting a bit but I am trying as much as possible to make sense and be interactive. I might be wavy a bit. Forgive me.

The truth is that there is never a “right” person. What we perceive as “right” might be other people’s “wrong” but it is never other people’s business in the choices we make. That is why there is “Imperfection or Imperfect”. There is the Imperfect Man and the Imperfect Woman. Imperfections make our choices differ. I feel totally indifferent when random people become selective with their choices and say “she is right for him/he is right for her”.

In my view, No one is right for anybody and no one is wrong for anybody. There are vibes of imperfections that match yours and their are vibes of imperfections that just doesn’t fit.

I use to be with someone. In my head, we fit. At the beginning, we were a duo. He liked what I liked and I liked what he liked. I was too quick to judge whatever we had and I didn’t give myself time to see him from the inside. What was my business? We were a match made in heaven. I couldn’t care less. Although, some of my friends didn’t like us as a couple, most of my friends loved the idea of us being an item. As time flew by, i started becoming uncomfortable with his personality and how he perceived life. The things I wanted and hoped for, he saw them as sickening. My ideas and dreams were like a threat to him and his was more like a puppet show! LITERALLY!

On the inside, I found myself wanting more and gasping for air to be better. He wasn’t for me. I realized it a lot late and I was upset upon my realization. Although, the relationship didn’t end because of the above reasons, but the discovery that we didn’t fit was more so a red flag.

I hope you see where I’m going. His imperfections didn’t match mine. The vibes we threw to ourselves was misplaced. The subtle lesson from my Mini story is that, we can identify who is good for us and who is bad for us. Just make sure to not be blinded by love. Don’t always make excuses for unattractive attitudes and personalities in your partner.

How do I identify the an Imperfect partner from the villain?

Wash your eyes with soap and water first….LOL

But seriously, there’s actually no special effect or “Jazz” to this. It is just really simple.

1. Does he/she make me happy?

2. Does he/she make me want to become a better person?

3. Since I knew him/her, have I been projecting positivity or Negativity?

4. My mind, is it always conflicted most of the times?

5. Has he/she become my safe space since we agreed to being an item…….e.t.c

Note: if you haven’t healed from a past hurt, you just might not be in the right frame of mind to detect the truth from a lie.

Some might say, “He/she still displayed this qualities but they left. Well, yea! This is where your instincts needs to be heard. Just listen deeply and the truth will speak for itself.

I hope this was easy to understand. I tried to sound simple though. I think I scored a nine over ten. Oh well, thank you for staying plugged to my blog. Until next time.

Love, Koco💕

The Media and my Thoughts.

Everyday, life unravels new levels of opinions and experiences by other people. As the days goes by, we relinquish new episodes of stories from diverse individuals. The media has made it way easy for us to access the diversity in stories, opinions,and thoughts.

Before the controversial time of the Media arose, there was sort of Normalcy in the world. People did things without first seeking for validation or opinions, privacy was the imprint, love was in existence without judgments, “the sun was the sun and the moon was the moon”. Life was simple and less complicated basically; subtracting monetary struggles.

Now Life, Life is a lot more complicated. And then, there’s the media! Invading solitude and self opinions. Everybody wants to be seen and heard even with the platform of Negativity. Although, there has been positive effects from the Media especially Social Media as regards human living but that isn’t my bone of contention as regards today’s post. As there are pros to everything, so exists cons too. The “Cons” is my motif today.

I was scrolling through Twitter the other day, and there was a graphic post of a chubby girl expressing herself happily and letting the whole world know how much she has chosen to be comfortable in her skin and weight. As usual, I checked the comments and I saw so much cynicism from people as regards this beautiful girl who chose to tell the world she is cocksure about her body and color.

In another scene, I was doing my usual surfing and I came across another story. This time, it was a man sharing his story about the encounter he had with a rapist. I looked at the comments and all I saw were unsympathetic extreme feminists who have refused to heal from their past hurts opposing his narratives and telling him that he deserved every bit of what he got because he is a man. Also pushing the narrative “#MENARESCUM”

People for some sort of reasons infer pleasure in hiding behind their keypads with the aim of taunting other people’s self confidence and dignity and I can say for a fact that this is one of the leading causes of depression and suicide. Friends have turned foes, families in line have put out their dirty linen for the world to see. Even now, theirs’ sort of a different portraiture to love and relationships. Antagonistic Portraiture.

The world has become Controversial. Simplicity is now in extinct. There’s now a race for popularity and wealth that most of us seem to have forgotten the power to give value to “Little Things”.

We can do Better.

There’s a need for us to embrace simplicity and lessen all the negative energy. Let’s go back to the days of our pedigrees and unravel whatever it is that birthed positivity. We can do better.

Love, Koco💞