Koco's Heaven

Good day, everyone! It is 4:08 PM, and I am thrilled to publish another episode today. The weekend has started, and I hope you can unwind from the stress of the week.

I have always found it difficult to begin a blog post but I’m just gonna get to it. On a beautiful day, when the roses are red and the sky is blue, I will talk about how lucky I was to be saved from a phase of emotional, mental, and verbal abuse in my life but until then, enjoy the bits and pieces I bring.

Nobody discusses the difficulty of unlearning negative patterns, especially after dealing with a narcissist for a long time. There’s a truckload of baggage that needs to be burnt especially when you have to start dealing with a new partner. The BTS of dusting and picking yourself up to function properly is a phase that needs to be talked about.

Today, in my spare time, I watched a Christian vlog on YouTube. In this episode, she spoke about how she dealt with being in an abusive relationship and how she expected her current partner to show the same pattern of abuse to her because she felt those patterns meant she was loved properly. She shared an example of her experience with an abusive partner who constantly beat and cursed her. With the strength she found in God, she moved on to another relationship. However, whenever they had a quarrel, she anticipated that her new partner would hit her. If he didn’t, she would insist that he did because she had come to expect that kind of treatment. that was the only way she felt loved.

I think many of us can agree on this pattern, especially if we’ve been in relationships with a narcissist. We begin to seek for love in their language(S) and not in ours.

I spent 33 minutes contemplating whether to write this paragraph. In the past, I was in a relationship with a partner who often verbally berated me, especially when he was upset. He would start fights seemingly out of nowhere and make me beg for his forgiveness the entire day. This was something I got used to. In fact, I knew the days his madness would begin, I learned different ways to salvage the situation and I knew the time of the day his madness would disappear.

What I mean is that I currently seek the same pattern with… This situation is very unhealthy, and I am finding ways to become better.

One important pattern to recognize is the defensiveness and anger that can accumulate over time. You may begin to see a distorted reflection of your past in everyone around you, causing you to become overly cautious and ready for conflict. Even when there is no intention to harm you, you start searching for signs of threat and constructing walls to protect yourself. Your past walked all over you. The present is going to do the same. You start to see rage as a shield.

An extremely unusual pattern.

I believe that individuals who have experienced abuse in the past—whether physical, emotional, verbal, or mental—should come forward and share their stories. It’s important for them to discuss what it takes to fully recover from such challenging experiences.

Healing refers to the process of recovering from emotional or physical wounds and taking the necessary steps to mend and restore oneself. However, overcoming the past and genuinely overlooking the scars that remain presents a different challenge altogether.

Today has been overwhelming for me, and I’m glad to share my struggles and happiness with you all.

Until next time.

Love, Koco💕

Another Saturday, Another blog!! Good evening beautiful people. Hope you’re having an amazing day this fine Saturday!

I am a strong advocate for being open and vulnerable because I believe that embracing our vulnerabilities is essential for genuine human connection and personal growth. When we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable, we create space for authentic relationships and meaningful interactions but I also believe that everything that has pros also has cons.

While allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open can lead to the development of deep and meaningful connections with others, I personally hold the belief that there are certain thoughts and feelings that may be more beneficial when kept private and unspoken.

THE GIFT OF DISCRETION

Sharing intimate details of our lives can be a positive and rewarding experience. However, it’s important to consider the boundaries of privacy and to be mindful of who we share these details with. It’s crucial to recognize who is entitled to access these personal aspects of our lives and to maintain a clear understanding of what is appropriate to share and what should remain private (PSALM 141:3)

Silence is a beautiful state of being because it grants us a sense of empowerment. When we choose not to engage in unnecessary noise, we retain a sense of power and control. By keeping our thoughts and feelings to ourselves, we shield ourselves from potential harm, as others cannot use our words against us if they do not know them.

Love, Koco💕

Good morning everyone! How are you all doing? How’s your weekend going? Please take care of yourselves and have fun this weekend. You deserve it!

I promise you, today’s episode isn’t about Messi or football. Today’s about training though. Control.

Train your heart to handle your expectations and be realistic about potential outcomes. Get yourself ready emotionally and mentally for difficult situations. This way, if they happen, you’ll be better prepared to deal with them without feeling devastated and powerless.

When I enter into situations, such as relationships or friendships, I approach them with the mindset of being prepared for any outcome, so that I am not left feeling handicapped and conflicted when it’s over.

I have learned to be in the moment. Enjoying the moment. Not constantly planning for the future of that situation. Run mad with it, catch it, put in the work, enjoy it, revel it, let it warm you. If it ends, it ends. Rule out the rules!

Until next time,

Love, Koco💕.

It’s 8:50 am, and I feel compelled to release this episode for closure and moving on from the past.

Good morning everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful night and that your week is off to a great start. I apologize if my greetings seem a bit formal; I’ve been in a “mood” lately.

I was in a long-term relationship that unfortunately and fortunately came to an end. Now, where do I begin? One mistake I constantly blame myself for making! Staying and hoping. Being tolerable.

I strongly believe that women should prioritize leaving relationships at the first sign of disrespect, whether it’s verbal abuse, physical abuse, or passive aggression.

I am sorry to burst your bubble but he is never going to change and you are only going to loose yourself in the process of your stay.

Men and women are wired differently, which is something important for everyone to understand. Men tend to be more logical before becoming emotional and may make decisions impulsively. They are able to compartmentalize their emotions and still maintain their relationships.

When you notice that he starts to become visibly upset over small things and begins to make weak excuses for minor issues, it may be time to consider leaving. Remember that life can be more fulfilling when you are free from a toxic situation like this.

Cut the hopes! Throw the memories in the trash can and be open to new experiences.

True love will come into your life. You will discover a love that is genuine and pure, where you will never feel lonely or unfulfilled. It will be a love that is gentle, indescribably positive, and provides a sense of security and comfort like no other.

Until then, understand that he will never change and the cycle of you countlessly explaining yourself, speaking on things that hurt you, and feeding your delulu will continue.

Love, Koco💕

Good evening, everyone! It’s Friday, time for another blog post. The weekend is here! How do you plan to relax? Are you going to the cinema, clubbing, staying in for Netflix, or just catching up on sleep? Share your plans with me!

This week began with a rollercoaster of emotions, but I am grateful. For Koco, With emotions comes thoughts, and with thoughts comes a topic for my blog post!

GUARDS UP!

Unfortunately, my generation is filled with nonchalant people, and it’s a challenge for me and others like me. Sadly, selfishness and Egoism have become the order of the day! There’s rarely any sense of vulnerability and accountability.

Everybody is now guarded and wants to appear mysterious to avoid being seen as weak or childish.

Solidifying friendships and relationships requires sacrifices. It means being selfless, putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own, and making compromises.

Vulnerability is about comfortably sharing your thoughts, beliefs, and values with your partner and letting them in on the parts of us. It’s about accepting that you can’t control what will happen, but you’ll act or speak in a way that is authentic to you.

A love that is honest and allows us to let our guard down without fear of judgment is the love I want to experience. It is the love we all desire. A love without risks. A safe love.

Struggling with the inner conflict of wanting to present ourselves as someone we are not, while also keeping certain parts of our true selves hidden to maintain a sense of mystery, can impact our mental well-being.

I hope that we can find a love that is genuine and accepting, allowing us to be ourselves without fear of judgment. A love with our walls down and no risks!

Love, Koco💕

Good morning! It is currently 10:30 AM, and when you read this, it will be evening.

A seemingly simple question: Are you loving your partner the way they want you to or the way you want to?

As I grow older, I’ve come to understand that people desire to receive love in diverse ways. This is not just about love languages but also about prioritizing, communicating understanding, and various other aspects.

Consider this example: Miss E seeks a confrontational relationship, valuing open and direct communication, while Miss A prefers a more subtle approach, emphasizing harmony and avoiding conflict. At the end of the day there is a similarity in how diverse they want to be loved!

It’s important to recognize that not everyone expresses their desires for love in the same way. Some people may find it challenging to communicate their needs directly. Instead, pay attention to their behaviors and complaints. Take note of what seems to upset or frustrate them, as this can provide insight into how they want to be loved. Understanding these cues can help you better meet their emotional needs.

Let’s make an effort to understand and love people in the way that resonates with them and makes them feel truly valued and appreciated!

How would you ideally like to receive love? I’m genuinely curious and would appreciate your insights!

Love, Koco💕

Hey geng! How have you been? I’ve missed writing so much! Not just writing, but also sharing my days and thoughts with you all.

Today’s episode is going to be a “likkle” bit different. On today’s episode, I am going to share random thoughts and feelings with you all. Or perhaps just thoughts.

Let’s dive right into it!!

1. It is difficult to recognize true love when you’ve been traumatized by heartbreak before. Sadly, when these individuals find true love, they often seek out toxic patterns or traits that lead them to conclude that all people are similar.
2. Love comes in many different forms, each one unique. Love often involves taking risks because it requires being vulnerable and emotionally invested.
3. Intentions are meaningful only when they are followed up with concrete actions.
4. Stop worrying about seeking retribution through karma. Instead, release your worries and trust in God.
5. Becoming self-aware can lead to constantly scrutinizing, over-analyzing, and over-calculating every thought, action, and behavior, which can heavily contribute to feelings of anxiety.

I’ll stop here now. Feel free to send in your thoughts as well and ill make sure to add them on here.

Love, Koco💕

Hey, my lovelies. I know, it’s not the usual time for me to publish an episode, but I had to write and publish this particular one. I promise you, it’s a short one.

What would you say is your biggest pet peeve about yourself? Even if you can’t tell me, whisper it. I’m joking! I have a few things that make me cringe, but the one that really stands out is my vulnerability.

In relationships and friendships, vulnerability is the act of being open to experiencing emotional connection, intimacy, and trust. It involves the willingness to share our true feelings, fears, and insecurities with others, embracing the uncertainty and potential for emotional risk that comes with it.

As much as I want to be the mystery lady, stay mysterious, and let my people figure me out, I tend to openly converse with people about myself and this gives me the ick!

As much as I would love to suppress this side of me because of how often people have taken advantage of me, I honestly want to learn to control “this situation”. Most days before I leave the house, I pray for discernment to recognize genuine people. Even when I am alone, I silently ask for a discerning spirit.

What’s something that really annoys you about yourself? What is an aspect of yourself that really gets under your skin?

Tell meeeee!

Told you I was going to keep this episode short.

Love, Koco💕

Guyyyyssssss! Another turnt episode! I am feeling very turnt as I write this. Hey everyone, how’s everyone doing on this fantastic Thursday evening? I’ve had such a productive week, feeling really accomplished!

Shout out to the gents, but this is for my ladies. My girlies! Ughh, I have had an amazing time this month and here are a few things I have learnt.

1. You are beautiful! I want to shout this out for all the women in the room. You are amazing. Societal validation and standards have no power over how stunning you are.

2. Confidence is key. Walk with assurance. Embrace your inner strength.

3. As we grow older, we gain self-awareness and intentionality, making life more fulfilling. Embrace each moment and live with passion. Remember, you only live once. YOLO.

4. Men validation shouldn’t be the icing on the cake. In fact, it should be nonexistent to you. Live without seeking for it.

5. Life gets beautiful when you move with a plan. It’s very okay to fail. Embrace failure even because that is one of the perks of success.

6. There’s nothing sexier than wearing a fine cologne. Want to command presence? Wear a cologne. Want to feel feminine? Wear a cologne. Now, I’m not talking about just any cologne. I’m talking quality and affordable. You do not have to go overboard with your budget.

7. Take care of your body! Be in love with your body! Be in tune with it and lastly,

8. Get ready to bust a move! Dance in front of your mirror and own the spotlight. You are the ultimate prize!

Love you guys so much.

Koco💕.

Another Friday, another episode! Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Today, I finally allowed myself to break. It hasn’t been the best since the relapse but I love that my strength never fails me. I was reminded today that no matter how much positive energy you give to someone if they don’t have the intention of reciprocating, there’s nothing you can do to receive the same positive vibe.

People know exactly what they want. People know exactly who they want and if it’s not you, then its not you. You can’t force a vibe.

I’ve come to realize that love is simple and uncomplicated. When you’re with a partner who loves you and recognizes your worth, the journey of love becomes beautiful and the idea of being in love becomes simpler.

I wish people start to become self-aware and deal with their baggage before moving on to the next. That’s kindness. I hope that people will start to recognize that healing is a personal journey that involves tending to your own wounds rather than opening the scars of others.

I really wish that love would treat the tender-hearted more gently. They deserve that.

We deserve that.

Love, Koco💕