I WANT TO BE 18 AGAIN.

Hey Lovelies, it’s been ages! I’ve missed sharing my thoughts with you guys. I am excited to be back on here. Well, not back on here fully but hey!, you’re reading my post for the first time in nine months.

There’s so much catching up to do but i’ll rather you stay tune till my next post. Expect details and more on my disappearance. As for today, you are going to read my rants. Permit me.

Before we get right into it, I need answers from y’all. Can we individually learn to be by ourselves? Do we actually need people? Is codependancy a must for survival? I have asked myself this question for the longest and I sincerely need answers.

While working out, I reflected on my relationships and friendships with people. I have pushed lots of people from my life not because they did anything wrong but because we no longer reason the same, our thoughts have become so diverse and we are no longer competent for our worlds, but is that a good enough reason to want to be by yourself? To let people go? I woke up this morning with so much animosity and hurt and I just needed to rant to someone who has known me for the longest, someone who knew the kind of person I was but there was nobody. I felt so alone for the first time in a while.

I think I am an alien. You ask me why? I always think I can walk alone in this life. I constantly like to think that I am an island and I have become my entertainment. Is that possible? In all of this, do you think what I feel is regret?

Well, I think adulting has a role to play in this. We become so sensitive to friendships and relationships that we need to reevaluate who we can look up to for emotional support. Being an adult is arduous.

God, today was the worse! I tried to project my frustration into productivity and that was how I ended up sleeping for an hour.

I wish every man was an island. No! I wish every man had the choice of standing alone and not alone. Do you get me? Like, I wish I had the choice of being on my own without having to look up to someone for emotional support or any kind of “SHIP”.

I miss being the life of the party. I miss going out to the clubs with friends and having a good time. I miss being funny. Now, I have to work and work and strategize and plan and work. I want to be 18 again.

Love, Koco💕.

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