It’s been such a long time on here. I didn’t want to write anything on here till the end of this year. Procrastination isn’t the reason for this decision.

How are you all doing? I guess I’m doing great. I hope I am.

It was difficult for me to fall asleep yesterday night because I slept through the afternoon after church so, I decided to read my emails. I bumped into this newsletter and since then, I have been meditating on it.

I am one of the many who scrolls through Instagram stalking people that I feel are perfectionists. I say to myself “Oh my, her natural hair is perfect, her skin is amazing, her life is aesthetically pleasing.” I even make comical comments like “I hope to be like her when I grow up.” I enjoy the amazing presets and hope my existence becomes an image of mere pictures. I just want perfection.

In the newsletter, she praises people’s love for her life and her organizational abilities, and she begins another paragraph with, “I do not have it all figured out.”

Our lack of proper knowledge of the people we admire may get us blind to their daily struggles. Yesterday, while surfing on Twitter, I saw the news of a successful young man who passed on due to attacks. While going through the comment section, people expressed shock and how death creeps in at anytime to snatch a soul.

I for one have been a potential image of perfection in the eyes of admirers but the truth is I struggle with life sometimes. 2020 and 2021, I struggled with an inferiority complex and sadness. The optimism in me died and the pessimism arose (thankful for family and my partner).

I like to say to people that they should allow their vulnerability. Showing strength when in-depth you feel weak and lost is only a facade and a sham. Feel your emotions. Cry when you have to, breathe when your chest becomes too tight and shout when you can’t feel your voice.

It is 11:43 and on the scale of 1-10, 3 describes how unproductive I have been since morning. I particularly do not have any advice to give but do with this blog post whatever you feel.

Love, Koco💕


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