Sometimes I ask myself, what do people gain from inflicting emotional ceaseless pain on the ones they claim they love? Love isn’t supposed to be hard. Love isn’t supposed to bring distress or misery. When the heart wants what it wants, it is supposed to be protective.

Today’s article revolves around Mr Edward whose name has been changed for the sake of cynicism has been advised to remain anonymous.

It wasn’t an easy confession for Mr Edward but I am glad our conversation happened.

On my WhatsApp Status: I want to publish something for my blog. If you’re interested in telling me your heartbreak story, send me a dm.

Mr Edwards in my DM: I will tell you mine again.

He was vastly reluctant to share so I sent him a message again to remind him of his promise.

Mr Edwards: I don’t want to talk about it again because thinking about it makes me angry with her and angry with myself but I’ll tell you nevertheless because you are my friend and you need it for your blog.

Me: Thank you very much.

Mr Edwards: My ex and I broke up on the 20th of October, 2020. A day after my niece’s birthday. I do not think I’m ever going to forget that night. We were texting ourselves and she told me she had this urge to get drunk; I forcefully invited myself over because seeing her was becoming quite difficult besides the fact that she was seeing another guy. Finally, I was at her place and we found ourselves taking shots upon shots! Infact we had consumed the whole bottle and achieved her wish. To me, it felt like an opportunity to regain our relationship back from whatever had been making it fail. Although, before we hit “cloud 9”, a guy called her and told her he wanted to see her. Without pressure she went to meet him; leaving me in a state of confusion but quiet throughout the scenario. I had to sleep off. I woke up almost immediately to change the music coming from her phone because it was becoming quite uncomfortable so I used her fingerprint to open her phone and successfully changed the music. It didn’t end there. My curiosity didn’t let it end there. I opened her WhatsApp to go through her messages. I saw a message between her and the same guy that told her to come downstairs previously. I also saw that she had gone to see the guy in a hotel where they had a make out session. This same guy gave her Fifteen Thousand Naira which was incomparable to the amount I usually send to her. My emotions were all over the place. This girl lied to me on so many grounds! She had gone to the beach with him while I was in the clinic. She made out with a random guy whereas she told me she wanted to be celibate. She’s been sleeping on the same bed with this guy and she doesn’t even allow me touch her. I was in so much agony. I woke her up, stripped her naked and slapped her twice while demanding explanations from her. She explained to me while crying that she didn’t have sex with the guy because she was on her period and he sent her 15k to make her hair because she felt if she had asked me, I wouldn’t have given her. She was in so much tears and told me I could have sex with her if I wanted to but I didn’t because I wasn’t clearly going to involve myself in a rape case.

In the morning, I apologised severely. In the process of apologising, I shed tears. I had realised that I really hurt her and the incidence could leave an eternal mark on our lives; but the case was different with her. She felt she had an upper hand(which she did) because I hit her. She demanded that I buy her food and send Two Hundred Thousand Naira to her account if I didn’t want her to report the issue to her “new boyfriend”. I got her food, went home, called my mum on phone and cried to her about the incidence. I didn’t know wether to blame it on the alcohol or my bad decisions. My parents called her to beg her and told me to send her the money so she could take care of herself. I sent her Fifty Thousand Naira instead because I didn’t have enough on me at the time. She returned it and that was when I knew she had plans to take matters to another level. I was prepared. I was prepared for the consequences. I called my parents and told them to leave her with her decisions. That week, I was served with a court hearing by her cousin. I made inquiries with different lawyers on what to do and I got reasonable answers but my instincts told me not to do anything. If I am called to court, I would plead guilty and go to prison for a minimum of five years. I would face the consequences and the regret of why I had gone to her place that night.

I did nothing concerning the letter. I didn’t go home for Christmas or new year because I was broke and In a state of depression. I hated myself, my life and my bad decisions. I hated the fact that I had lost the friendship with her sister. I had a lot of inner digging to do, so I dug. I always stalk her on IG. I do not know what I feel for her anymore or what she thinks of me.

When people go through heartbreak, and they say they won’t fall in love anymore, they are probably in fear of what their partner will do to them. My case is different. I am afraid of what I’ll do to my partner when I fall in love. So I have made up my mind to never be attached because when she switches up on me like my ex did, I wouldn’t be stuck wondering and asking questions on what I did wrong.

Love, Koco💕


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